Ringing the Alarm for 3 out of 4

3 in every 4 women living with HIV (WLHIV) in the United States report a history of violence compared with 1 in every 4 women in the general population.

Why is this? Why does an HIV status make women more at risk, more vulnerable to, more susceptible, to violence? My first answer is stigma. The fear of the unknown. The fear of the risk of transmission; however there is much more going on under the surface and it's time we talked about it more.

Through the powerful efforts of the women involved in the Positive Women's Network, through the engagement on headlines in various cities of women brutally beaten and killed, a call to action has been announced. The alarms have been rung...but do you hear them?

• 55% of WLHIV have experienced intimate partner violence (IPV). Some WLHIV have faced violence following disclosure of their HIV status.
• 30% of WLHIV are living with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
• Abuse and violence negatively impact health outcomes for women with HIV and low-income women may be especially vulnerable in relationships.

But let me not bore you with statistics, reports or other data. Let me introduce you to Elisha Henson, mother of two, strangled to death because she was living with HIV. Her killer stated Henson had performed oral sex on him. It was afterwards, an acquaintance mentioned Henson's "illness", he learned of her HIV status. Her body was found in a lake.

Meet, Cicely Bolden, also a mother of two, was brutally stabbed to death by her partner, who was cheating on his spouse. He learned of Bolden's status, decided to consent to sex with her one more time, then killed her, stating he wanted to "make her pay."

The risk of transmitting HIV through oral sex, according to the CDC is much less than the risk of HIV transmission through anal or vaginal sex. Bolden's murderer has remained to test negative for HIV. 

The tragedy is not just in the loss of life or innocent children losing a parent; but also in the ignorance behind the supposed "passion" of the murders. Assuming your own HIV status through discovery of someone else you may have had unprotected sex with is dangerous. The only way to know your status is to get tested.

These are not the only cases in which this is happening and not all of them end in death; however they are happening. Rapidly, quietly, dangerously. All the while, leaving the shadow of shame and stigma hovering over someone who has been diagnosed with HIV. How these cases are brought to light, handled and discussed plays a pivotal role in whether people will ever feel free to disclose their status and not face repercussions that could cause them their life. 

HIV is a manageable virus of the body that can be treated. No, there is still is not a cure, but there isn't a cure for the common cold and people aren't murdering each other over that either. 

Join emPOWERed Legacies, the Positive Women's Network and other agencies during October 23rd as we stand for those that can't and break the chains to end the culture of violence  and instead, support the laws, policies, programs and culture that promotes safety and healing from trauma for WLHIV.

As of right now, the solutions are to:

• repeal laws that place WLHIV at disproportionate risk for violence, including laws criminalizing HIV, drug use, and sex work
• demand implementation of trauma-informed services and programs for WLHIV
• advance partnerships and linkages between HIV and domestic violence services
• support economic empowerment and self-sufficiency for WLHIV
• Share this blog and other posts on PWN's websites using the hashtag #endvawhiv and #pwnspeaks
  • Retweet PWN by following them @uspwn and myself @mrs_kam
  • Participate in the national conversation beyond October 23rd

Together, we will come up with more solutions. Together we will end the violence. Together we will stand and the world will see us. We are HERE! See us LIVE!

How to Get Away With...Getting Tested

You guysssss!!!

The season premier of How to Get Away with Murder #HTGAWM!! 

*gasp*

*shudder*

*face palm*

*jaw drop*

And this was probably before the first commercial break. I don't want to give away any spoilers, and I don't do recaps, but I will disclose that Shonda Rhimes addressing #HIV in a relationship was genius. I don't watch a lot of television, but when I do, sadly 90% of a season for a show will involve two consenting adults having probable unprotected sex. A lot of drama ensues, maybe a pregnancy scare, sometimes a murder...but hardly ever the issue of contracting or transmitting HIV. Without giving away who has it or why it was discussed, I will say that this episode made me so proud of the strides we are taking in HIV awareness, prevention, treatment and research. 

Here's a breakdown of the conversations that took place. They didn't overwhelm the scene with melancholy and was handled so realistically, I applauded. If up to this point, you have not seen this episode, it is a spoiler; however not a spoiler to the main plots and twists of the show. 

Season 1
Oliver suggested Connor, who often engaged in risky sex to get tested for HIV. Connor tested negative and Oliver tested positive. This helped dismantle preconceptions about who has HIV and bring to light the dangers of testing yourself through your partner. 

Season 2 Episode 1
Conner stands in front of Oliver naked and ready to have sex. Oliver suggests they wait 2 weeks to allow #PrEP to reach its maximum protection. Conner says "I really want to be here... more than anything, even if it means being celibate for 14 more days." This part of the conversation introduces to people that the pill is not an instant cure-all, it is a effective prevention method used to reduce the transmission of HIV and is approved by the FDA.

Oliver then says with a smirk, "13 more days. You took your 1st pill last Sunday at 9:30."

Thank you Shonda Rhimes and Peter Nowalk for your de-stigmatizing portrayal of sexual responsibility. I want to know, has the conversation of sexual responsibility gone this smoothly for you? Is this realistic? Lemme know!

Sidenote: Catch Shonda on the cover of Essence magazine and then turn to page 117 to read more about how HIV intersects with intimate partner violence. THIS sheds light on how the above post could have turned out completely different (and has for many people living with HIV). 

Health Activist Writer's Challenge Month: Creature of Habit

A "Normal" Day

9:15 am - Wake up

9:17 am - Debate going back to sleep

9:20 am - Check calendar to see if it's possible to go back to sleep

9:30 am - Grumpily getting coffee because there's stuff on the calendar that means you couldn't go back to sleep

9:50 - 10:15 am - Shower/Dress/Candy Crush (procrastination is disguised as "waking up")

10:20 - 12:30ish pm - Respond to emails, work on website, check social media, update calendar, prepare for webinar/conference call

1:30 pm - realize you haven't eaten at all, #hangry symptoms kick in

1:35 - 3:45 pm - randomness of events sets in as you find food, chat with spouse, answer unexpected phone calls, eat, figure out what to cook for dinner, sign up for four more webinars, check the mail, still no checks, find a source of caffeine and tell yourself you will clean tomorrow

4:00 - 7:00 pm - start cooking dinner, chat with daughter when she comes home from school, convince her to do her chores before dinner, discuss what TV show you two will watch together (only if it's #PLL or #Empire season)

7:00 - 10:00 pm - wind down and spend time with daughter while checking email, working on website, updating calendar and signing up for two more webinars as well as preparing flyers for two events (kid falls asleep). Take meds

10:00 - 12:00 am - tell yourself to try to sleep before you have to get up and take sister to work, usually don't get sleepy until 1:00 am but have to get back up at 2:15 at the latest, return home around 3:30 am, pass out and do it all over again.

Sometimes.

Working from home has caused me to develop some bad habits. I eat less, sleep less and sit more. In that, I have also developed great habits. My family has dinner together every night, I spend time w/ my daughter and I can create my own schedule.

A perfect day would just have me actually completing one project that I start out on or actually being able to do all my business work AND clean the house in the same day. 

Healthwise, I need to find a way to fit in going to the gym that I am paying for monthly as well as working in some healthier breakfasts besides coffee and sausage burritos. I don't think my office chair expands so we will soon have problems sitting at the desk if I don't get it under control. Also, on some days, I squeeze in a nap, like what I think I'm going to do after I publish this blog today. The overcast weather we've been having is a perfect recipe for a nice nap. 

Health Activist Writer's Month Challenge: Good Samaritan

Galatians 5:22-23New King James Version (NKJV)

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering (patience), kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.

Not just because it is in the Bible, not just because it makes people feel good and not because I like to brag about it - but being kind is something I crave, seek and try to manifest in others daily. It is an outward expression of love and practice towards agape love, which is a love that is beyond unconditional. It doesn't warrant a response or action, it just is.

Now, whether I choose to do this through a smile (which I'm told I do naturally, so there's really no effort behind that), a encouraging word, an inspiring social media post, or paying someone's toll on a road trip; kindness has no boundaries, no measured cap off or quantity limit. 

Kindness is also not a perception of perfection either. I've been told I'm a goody-two shoes or even a hypocrite because I never talk about my bad days or express publicly when I'm angry. I don't see a need in that because the world has enough of it. I find the times that I do conform and share with the world a dark part of my heart - especially something petty and trivial, the already miserable and downtrodden feed off of that. I don't want to perpetuate the sadness and heavy-hearted justifications of inflicting pain that already goes on in people's lives. I want to cultivate the culture of living life to its fullest, abundantly and victoriously. 

There was a time kindness was extended to me on a level of agape love that I never thought I'd experience and it's one of the few times I remember in my life that I purposefully sought this kindness. It was right after I was diagnosed with HIV. I had been trying to re-establish a relationship I had broken with a high school sweetheart and we were dealing with trust issues. In the midst of this, I had to sit him down and tell him that all our efforts were about to be for naught because I was diagnosed with HIV and I knew he wasn't going to want to be with me. We hadn't been intimate so there was no actual risk factor and I figured he'd flee realizing this. In that moment, he did get up to leave, walked out my house, go in his car and drove off. I pressed my back to the door in understanding, relief and began accepting that this was the life I was going to have. A life of loneliness, rejection, and shame.

I don't know what it was that sparked the next thing to happen, but as I walked away from the door, there was a knock. I was so caught in my blanket of despair, I never heard anyone drive up or approach the door. I looked out the window to see my high school sweetheart's face. I gingerly opened the door and he said these words: "The things that you've done prior, I have forgiven whether they were intentional or not. This, you didn't do or ask for on purpose and I am here for you and we can get through this." Through our relationship that lasted for the next three or so years, he always told me that there was nothing I could say or do that would make me stop loving him and I hold that to be true twelve years later as we are still the closest of friends. That was a level of kindness I needed, appreciated and treasure. It empowered me to know that I can be loved, I am not a social outcast and I am worthy. His selfless act of kindness and desire to learn more about HIV showed me that I can extend the same to others, even if something in the universe tells me they don't deserve it. 

Kindness, bearing good fruits, is a chain reaction. When you plant the seeds, someone else will come along and water them, another will take the time to fertilize them, someone else will shine their light on them and eventually, you have evidence of all the goodness you took from yourself and put into the lives of others. 

Embrace healing, Give inspiration, Live victoriously.

Health Activist Writer's Month Challenge: Key to Success

There are often times living with HIV that I find myself encouraging others who are newly diagnosed, or think they've been put at risk of contracting the virus. In those moments, I remember the times I needed encouragement and where I sought the strength to push through and find my happy when times told me I shouldn't.

I was raised to seek contentment in life, rather than happiness because happiness is an emotion that is fleeting where contentment is a disciplined state of mind. Applying this to my life, I've learned contentment leads to joy and peace. Those are two things that no one can give you or take away...but I can give you tips on how to get to a place of contentment when dealing with heavy life changes. 

Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you feel. There is no handbook for the appropriate response to a diagnosis, loss of friend or even death. Everyone has different experiences, perspectives and emotions that wire them to respond differently to things. You don't need permission to feel. When I was younger, I was told my paternal grandfather had passed away. I giggled and my mother gave me the most horrified look and I subconsciously began to pay attention to how people responded to death. Everyone either cried or was upset in some way. For years, I would catch myself if I heard of death or loss before I let out a "inappropriate" response. It wasn't until I was an adult and shared this with my mom that she apologized and then asked me if I remembered why I giggled. I did. I was remembering my trips to visit him and how he'd play his organ for me or take me get a Whopper from Burger King right before dinner if Grandma was making something I didn't like. He spoiled me and it was our little secret. My mom then shared that the reason my reponse was so different than everyone else's is because I was supposedly the only person grandpa was kind to. I was expressing an emotion others wanted to but because it wasn't coming from the same place, they chose to respond differently. Ever since this conversation, I have chosen to be me and not apologize for what my heart needed to pour out. What you feel is what you feel. Never apologize for that. 

I apply this to living with a stigmatized health condition. HIV brings judgment and fear from a lot of people. In that, I have to find my happy with it. People are already uncomfortable with it, so why not? I've found people have a hard time being uncomfortable with something I'm clearly ok with. The key to happiness, is to live YOUR life for YOU, and make no apologies for it. I find reasons to laugh and smile every single day. I was told that I was born into the world smiling, not crying. I fully embrace that. While I know this is not the case for everyone, I encourage you to embrace who you are, what makes your heart tick, what brings you joy. Surround yourself with it so that even if you cannot tap into it daily, you can access it when you need it. That's why, if you ever visit my home, you will find random pieces of bubble wrap stuffed and stashed in small places.

My final sentiments on finding the key to happiness is this:

Embrace healing, Give inspiration, and Live Victoriously - in spite of it all.
(For more on how I do that, please visit my website!)

Health Activist Writer's Month Challenge: Wordless Wednesday

 

The Movement

Yesterday we honored a legend, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. I chose to attend a showing of Selma to remind myself of the fight and was pleased to see that there was a team of people portrayed, not just one man. He had support and was surrounded by people that made great sacrifices for what they all believed in. His wife was definitely one of them. Did you know that while her important work supporting her husband to advance civil rights is undeniable, Coretta Scott King should also be remembered for her work in the fight against HIV/AIDS in the early years of the fight? She was a woman that served as a beacon of hope and saw what was a humanity issue. 

Today, I received a beautifully written email from Executive Director of National Minority AIDS Council , Paul Kawata, that sheds light on how fighting the fight against HIV/AIDS and the stigma associated with it, is carrying on the dream and legacy of what Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. believed in. Kawata shares his memory of meeting Mrs. King...

"Mrs. King gave a keynote addresses at the National Skills Building Conference (known today as the United States Conference on AIDS) and the HIV Prevention Leadership Summit. As only she could do, Mrs. King said, “the fight against HIV is a fight for the civil rights of people living with HIV”. She drew a direct link between movements at a time when few wanted to be part of our struggle. She would get significant push back for her stance, but she never wavered in her support of our community. Against the wishes of many in the civil rights community, she opened the door for our movement to be part of a larger struggle. 

Today HIV is at a crossroads. Many people living with virus now live long lives. Medications have given back what the disease took away. Unfortunately, that isn’t true in all communities. The Centers for Disease Control noted that across racial and ethnic groups, 79.5% of white Americans living with HIV had some viral suppression while only 64.1% of African Americans living with HIV had some viral suppression. African Americans who were diagnosed with HIV are the least likely to be linked to HIV medical care. We’ve heard these statistics before, but we’ve almost become numb to the numbers."

We cannot risk becoming numb. People are still dying from this. I recently found out a young, beautiful and talented young lady I had the pleasure of working with when I first started speaking passed away a few weeks ago. I don't know what her direct causes were, but it is still a blow to the community. No one should be dying from this today. Treatments are available, but they may not be easily accessible for everyone. Employability, insurance, adherence to treatment, comorbidities are sometimes all piled up against an individual living with HIV. In the U.S. each state handles access to treatment with a loose blanket of solidarity and globally, numbers are even more dismal. 

It's going to take evolving innovation, strategic aggression and united compassion to change this. The fight to advance civil rights was never isolated to a one-time event, but a chain of consistent and strategic helping hands that never gave up. The same must be done in the work ahead to continue pushing and fighting against stigma, bringing equal access to treatment, and strengthening policy that is harming the HIV community. 

If you are looking for more ways to get involved, consider becoming a member of NMAC or attending this years conference in Washington D.C. If neither of those are something you think you can achieve today, do not feel that you can't have a part in this movement. Dr. King said it best when he shed light on power in vulnerability:

• Start a discussion group in your community. Invite someone from your local health department to come out and educate. Many doors can open from this.
• Involve your elected officials in changing the policy in your state for criminalization of people living with HIV/AIDS by signing petitions or writing letters of your own.
• Share statistics via social media among your friends. Post it as your insight, challenge your friends to do the same. For help on how, visit Greater Than AIDS or our nations' government site full of educational tools like webinars, testing locators, awareness day information, etc.
• If you have never met someone living with HIV/AIDS, the opportunity is but a click away for you to learn from some residents in Florida that decided to be the Faces of HIV.
• If you are living with HIV and are looking for support, that is still doing your part in the movement, because you are demonstrating that there is still a need. Find empowerment and support through these individuals or agencies below and you will be on your way to doing great things!
• The Stigma Project - geared to eliminate the negative connotations associated with HIV/AIDS so it is looked at in a neutral health issue.
• The Red Pump Project - creates platforms to engage conversations about HIV/AIDS in a bold and socially driven way.
• SeeUs: Women Take a Stand Against HIV - utilizes tools for HIV positive women and their physician to address specific health concerns as an HIV positive woman
• If you are living with HIV and are not covered by insurance, you STILL have time to review and compare health plan options and find out if you are eligible for financial assistance that can help pay monthly premiums and reduce out of pocket expenses. Feb. 15 is the cutoff for open enrollment. #getcovered
• There are much, much more, feel free to contact me and I can help you find an agency, organization, or individual that will be able to address your concerns, issues and passion to help in the fight against HIV.

Thank you for reading and have a powerful and productively blessed day!

I Can't Breathe...a Mother's Fear of a New "Strange Fruit"

Over the past week I have shared my story of living with HIV and often am asked if I want to conceive another child. When I respond yes, I am sometimes asked if I fear passing on HIV to that child. No, HIV is not my fear. 

Pictured: HIV negative baby Symone '03

Passing on the history of the blood soaked ground that represents "legacy" is what I fear. Passing on the desire to keep my child safe, but inevitably teaching them to be afraid, that's my fear. 

The past few months of deaths have shown me this fear is valid. My rage is at a low simmer only because I've been sick to my stomach with humanity since I was seven. When my mother sat me down and told me what mankind did to Jesus. Then she broke down slavery. Then she broke down Civil Rights. Marching. Lynchings. Movements. Equality. Then I was blessed to see a Black man rise and be President...for two terms. My hope soared. But now...

Now, I'm charged to tell my daughter and any future child I may have why none of that worked well enough to ring true. 

Yes, I trust God. Please know that. Trust that I know His word says, it's best to trust no man. Ps. 118:8. My heart is hurting. I usually remain silent when the pain is in my bones. But I feel like the bones of generations past have been broken for nothing. 

The only freedom in this country my future child may know will be the 9 months he or she is in my womb. 

God bless America. #BlackLivesMatter

SeeUs: Women Take a Stand on HIV

Have you ever felt invisible?

Have you ever had something happen to you, you looked for help and could not find anything useful?

Have you ever felt isolated because those you thought could help you, have no idea of even where to start?

Have you ever wanted to express something going on with you medically but didn't have the right words or confidence to utilize your voice on your health?

If you are a woman living with HIV, recently diagnosed or living with it for any amount of time, and you answered yes to any of those questions...and you still feel this way...let me show you how you can take a stand. I've been there, so I understand how it feels and I am confident that these tools I'm sharing with you will help point you in the right direction.

So considering that globally 49% of all adults living with HIV are women, I believe it's critical to address that these women have access to treatment, engage with their medical support in ensuring their specific health needs are addressed and reducing the stigma associated with HIV/AIDS in their community. One way to do this is to use the newly released dialogue tools provided by IAPAC, AbbVie and this awesome team of women I had the honor to work with. Together, a campaign was developed called "SeeUS: Women Take a Stand on HIV" and you can read all about it at IAPAC's microsite. 

What's unique about these tools is that there is also a set for physicians and all downloads are available in SEVEN different languages for various parts of the world. To support this initiative with a woman in your life that is living with HIV, share the link provided above, use the hashtag #WomenOfHIV and help empower them to use their voice to take a stand on HIV...let them be seen, let them be heard!

Month of Gratitude: Travel

I am thankful all 365 days of the year but during this #MonthOfGratitude I will be narrowing it down and sharing with you all things I am grateful for! Since there are 26 letters of the alphabet and Thanksgiving is on November 27, this is how it goes: 

Post something you're grateful for that begins with each letter of the alphabet each day leading to Thanksgiving. It's a great way to focus on the blessings in your life and not the stresses of the holiday season!

I am grateful for travel! 

Some people go visit family and friends during the holiday season. Some people take much needed vacations. By nature I am a homebody and prefer not to be in crowds, so navigating airports and train stations, highways and gas stations during this time of the year is something I keep to a minimum. As for other times of the year, I love to be in an airport, flying from point A to point B, moving around and getting to be in places in a fraction of the time. It's one of the reasons I love the work I do. I never know where it's going to take me. I have only visited 15 states and 2 countries in my 32 years, so I have a lot of work to do! I would love to have visited all 50 states by the time I'm 45 and at least 10 more countries by the time I'm 50. I've been flying since before I was born. My dad is a flight attendant for United Airlines and it's just been a way of life for me from a young age. I am grateful for his lifestyle in his career because it has exposed me and prepared me to be ready for travel newbies, have patience with crowds and pack with flair in the smallest of suitcases for three days! 

Aside from traveling for pleasure, I find travel amazing in cases of emergency. You have a sick aunt five hundred miles from you? Catch a plane and be by her side in two or three hours opposed to the 8 it would take you to drive, plus fuel, tolls, gas, patience, etc. In the hospital for a organ transplant? They can fly your organ from another part of the country in life-saving minutes! See Denzel Washington in John Q. 


Don't get me wrong though, I'm all for a road trip. Fill the car to the max with all your necessities and plug in the GPS...or not and through inhibition to the wind. Just drive! Being able to take your time and stop to see sights is a wonder I enjoy. Give me fuel, a radio and a Big Gulp, it's bliss!

What are your travel plans this holiday? What's the most stressful thing you avoid when traveling? What is your must have for packing?

Month of Gratitude - Sleep

I am thankful all 365 days of the year but during this #MonthOfGratitude I will be narrowing it down and sharing with you all things I am grateful for! Since there are 26 letters of the alphabet and Thanksgiving is on November 27, this is how it goes: 

Post something you're grateful for that begins with each letter of the alphabet each day leading to Thanksgiving. It's a great way to focus on the blessings in your life and not the stresses of the holiday season! 

So this post is a day late BECAUSE of it's topic. I am grateful to the highest heavens for #Sleep!!! Yesterday I attended the ADAP (AIDS Drug Assistance Program) Workgroup meeting. Many changes in healthcare are on the horizon, state by state... and Florida, we have a lot of work to do! There was robust conversation, my wheels were turning at 100 mph, and my calendar suddenly filled with more conference calls, meetings and webinars in that 6 hour timespan. I'm grateful for the opportunities to be more involved as an advocate, but the way my inspiration is set up...sleep is important on so many levels.

Then, I'm involved with a girls ministry through my church. Their energy alone and desire to serve Christ fills me and drains me all in the same day. I spent my evening with them after the ADAP meeting. Let's just say my eyes were crossed by the time I got home. 

Oh and let's not forget about my family. I love them. I will do anything for them. So if mom needs to go to the grocery store, I am there. If my sister needs a ride to work 2:00 in the morning, I'm there. If my nephew needs a ride to the airport, I got him. This is why I love the work I do because I can weave in helping my family in between trying to save the world. And then there's coffee.

But when I have a day where there is nothing written on my calendar and my daughter is gone to school...and my husband is busy doing random things...there's this thing I love called a nap. I don't take regular ol' cat naps either. I prepare and equip. 
Thermal blanket? Check. Comfy pillow? Check. Eye mask? Where's my eye mask???? Oh, under the pillow. Check and check. Alarm set? Nope. Check. Ringer off? Check. Door and blinds closed? Check. Deeply snuggled fetal position on my left side with arm hooked under comfy pillow and thermal blanket pulled directly under my right ear? CHECK. Head snuggle pillow...zzzzzZZZZZZZ.

I don't take naps, I own them. Sleep to me is not only essential but a hobby. I can't do it often, but when I do, I'm all in! What do you do to prepare for naps? What causes you to need one? 

Focus. Partner. Achieve...UNAIDS releases Fast Track Report

"The world is embarking on a Fast-Track strategy to end the AIDS epidemic by 2030. To reach this visionary goal after three decades of the most serious epidemic in living memory, countries will need to use the powerful tools available, hold one another accountable for results and make sure that no one is left behind." From UNAIDS, 2014 "Fast Track" report. 

The 40 page document was released Nov. 18 at UCLA and included a forum where UNAIDS Executive Director Michel Sidibé shared the detailed strategy and his vision that will take how AIDS is addressed, treated and de-stigmatized throughout every nation impacted by the epidemic and decrease infections, eliminate discrimination and empower nations to thrive.  It's properly titled "Fast Track". 

It's not just graphs and statistics, it's precise information that will hold nations accountable on an ambitious level to their response to the impact of HIV/AIDS. This initiative seeks to improve that response from this point forward, consistently and in unity. It's like a senior in high school, bringing up his 3.9 GPA to become valedictorian. It's not impossible, but it's going to take all hands on deck, compassion, aggressive resourcefulness, and consistent momentum. Or SMART goals on steroids, in my opinion.

I believe we can do it. I'm all about accountability and progression - not blame game and moving forward while others suffer. The consequences completely overwhelm the benefits of us not collectively working together on this #FastTrack. But if we elevate our awareness to the needs of all, a 95% decrease of infections by 2030 will be a great achievement of epic proportions. This year's World AIDS Day theme is "Focus. Partner. Achieve: An AIDS Free Generation". I believe that UNAIDS is leading the charge with this call to action in this report. Time will tell, and I want to be on the frontline, not the sideline. Will you join?

To read more about the World AIDS Day report, visit UNAIDS website http://www.unaids.org/en/resources/documents/2014/JC2686_WAD2014report. 

What does a generation without AIDS look like to you? 

Month of Gratitude: Rent (not what you think)

I am thankful all 365 days of the year but during this #MonthOfGratitude I will be narrowing it down and sharing with you all things I am grateful for! Since there are 26 letters of the alphabet and Thanksgiving is on November 27, this is how it goes: 

Post something you're grateful for that begins with each letter of the alphabet each day leading to Thanksgiving. It's a great way to focus on the blessings in your life and not the stresses of the holiday season! 

A couple of weeks ago, I was invited by my specialty care physician to attend the showing of RENT! at Florida Southern College. What was unique about this showing was that it was the School of Nursing and Theater that put on the production. I was intrigued. Mostly because I had never seen RENT! and I was touched that my physician thought so highly of my advocacy work that she invited me. At the time she didn't know the details of dates or times, so I didn't think much else of it.

Until two days later, I was with my daughter at her youth leadership team meeting and the director mentioned she knew someone at Florida Southern College who would like for me to attend the showing of RENT! at the Festival of FIne Arts, by her nursing students. I smiled inwardly because God was obviously orchestrating things and I needed to be there.

So, I went. I brought my 11 year old daughter and 9 year old niece. This wasn't planned, but I was rolling with it. I have to watch it again for some things to make sense (I'm a detail-oriented person, but respond emotionally), and I should have written this the night I saw it. I loved it! I loved it to the point that three things came from it:

• I want to learn to tango
• I must learn the words to every.single.song
• I'm in love with the cast at Florida Southern College. They're vocals were astounding!

Having purposefully never read anything about the production, I did correctly predict who would die though. I didn't predict that even after that scene there would be more tears. The best part was getting to meet the cast afterwards during the reception dinner and being able to share what my life has been like with HIV compared to the portrayal of AIDS in the show. They were warm and kind, which I felt was so sweet because I know they were exhausted and full since we dined on the best lasagna I'd had in my life. 

I'm grateful for this specifically because I got a glimpse into what was created to be a statement and has now become a consensus for people experiencing challenges in love, life and living. I'm grateful because HIV/AIDS isn't on a AZT timer anymore, that housing for people with HIV/AIDS isn't such a struggle (still exists), and that through being entertained, people can become educated, challenged to think outside the norm, their comforts and forced to sing catchy songs about real-life situations they may know nothing about, but will subconsciously always remember. My night watching RENT! was probably one of the best I've had all year long. I want to go to another showing alone, with closer seats and another chance to meet with the cast. Call me obsessed or call me a Rent-head.

Have you seen it? What did you think? What else are you thankful for that starts with the letter "R"? 

Month of Gratitude: Quiet

I am thankful all 365 days of the year but during this #MonthOfGratitude I will be narrowing it down and sharing with you all things I am grateful for! Since there are 26 letters of the alphabet and Thanksgiving is on November 27, this is how it goes: 

Post something you're grateful for that begins with each letter of the alphabet each day leading to Thanksgiving. It's a great way to focus on the blessings in your life and not the stresses of the holiday season! 

So with the stresses of the holiday season, come much needed moments of quiet. I don't mean lock yourself in the bathroom and play Candy Crush quiet. I mean, leave, go somewhere that is always quiet and be purposefully quiet as well. I lack this. Except when I'm at the beach. Even though there's the sounds of the ocean, birds, people...it all blends into one sound for me and it's so calming that it becomes quiet. That's the stuff. 

I'm grateful for quiet because in stressful times it does three things:

• Give me an opportunity to pray and listen (especially if I'm seeking strength and patience)
• Give me the opportunity to calm down
• Allow me the opportunity evaluate what positive route to take

Quiet also cues me to realize if my reaction to a situation was due to being tired and then I pay attention and respect what my body is telling me and I go lay down. No questions, no excuses, no arguments, I take a kiddie nap and regroup.

I think I have a different level of desire to be quiet. Loud, random noises irk me to no end. If I'm in a room of the house and it's been quiet for an extended amount of time and I suddenly hear someone watching a video on their phone or playing a game, I become uncomfortable. My ears literally hurt and I tend to be unpleasant for no reason. It's because my inner quiet has been disturbed and I wasn't expecting it. Now, don't get me wrong, phones ringing, a baby crying, things like that don't bother me. Manufactured noises that are repetitive make me want to body slam kittens. 

I've also noticed when my quiet is disturbed, that inner core of "Shhhh" that I hold on to is hard to get back and I can be off for a minute until I either give into it (which then distracts me from whatever task I was completing) or I snap at the person causing the noise (which then throws me into a cycle of debating an apology or justifying why they should get over it). Either way, no work gets done, no one's at peace and the quiet that now exists is very unhealthy.

So I have learned to maintain the quiet I so desperately covet, I have to create it and respect it where it is, expect it to leave and experience the moment for what it is when I lose it.

What do you do to maintain quiet when you're stressed? Is quiet something that is important to you? What are you thankful for that starts with "Q"? It was this, or quizzes for me.

Month of Gratitude: Pinterest & Patience

November has proven to not feel like November in Florida. Like, the high today will be 81 degrees, with a thunderstorm and a low of 54 degrees. My prediction is the first half of Tuesday will actually feel like it's November. What's creepy is as I typed this, the clouds covered the sun, the room grew dark and a crow cawed in the distance. Ok, the last part is a huge stretch of my imagination, but the moment felt so Edgar Alan Poe, I had to go there! Regardless, it's fall and the countdown to Thanksgiving at my house has become the alarm clock! 13 more days! 12 more days!! 11 more days!!! We have some friends coming into visit and while my house isn't decorated the way I'd envisioned, it's definitely going to feel like home when it's filled with the laughter and memories. 

Thanksgiving is a time to reflect on gratefulness. I am thankful all 365 days of the year but during this #MonthOfGratitude I will be narrowing it down and sharing with you all things I am grateful for! Since there are 26 letters of the alphabet and Thanksgiving is on November 27, this is how it goes: 

Post something you're grateful for that begins with each letter of the alphabet each day leading to Thanksgiving. It's a great way to focus on the blessings in your life and not the stresses of the holiday season! 

So, today I am thankful for #patience & #Pinterest. I wouldn't normally do two things in one day, but they go so well together! Let me explain. 

We recently had our house built and it has been a dream come true. I never thought I'd be a homeowner. I never thought I'd have space to garden, or something bigger than a debit card in my own name. Being married for almost 3 years, my husband and I have had some struggles. Our victories outweigh the struggles, but they were difficult nevertheless. I will have a lifetime to fill our home with decorations that speak to who we are as a family and to do that I have to remember to have #patience. Patience with our bank account, the hours we work, the hours I travel, the time it takes to do the projects I want to do, just overall patience. I have a vision for our home. I have color schemes and specific pieces of furniture that will be useful, and a place that will be filled with warmth, love, blessings. I just don't have the funds to make it happen all at once! So, since I'm not a window shopper, I am thankful for #Pinterest! I have pinned so many things and have actually used a few to give our home a sense of individuality. This Thanksgiving, I will be using tips I read about to make serving people easier, I discovered posts that speak to me being an #INFJ and that will help with the stress of the holidays...I just love Pinterest. The more I pin, the more patience I have. My house will be Good Housekeeping worthy soon...soon. 

^^^Unless I win the lottery, then I would buy all the things I pinned and pin some more. 

What are you thankful for that starts with "P"? If you have a Pinterest, what's your favorite thing to pin? Have life improved because of pinning? 

Month of Gratitude: Democracy to Online Classes

So I'm more of a once a month blogger. There I said it. I've missed a week or so of posting my month of gratefulness items. Determined to complete my goal of posting, I will do a condensed catch-up version from the 4th of November until the 15th, letters D through O. This is gonna be a long one, so I'm grateful that you're taking the time to read this far. For those of you just getting to know me, this is a great way to see my many layers! Let's go!

You can find my other posts with the hashtag #MonthOfGratefulness

D is for democracy. We recently had our mid-term elections and I had the pleasure of being a precinct book inspector with my mom at our precinct here in Florida. While that day didn't turn out the way I would've liked and the officials that won were not my first choice, the process of democracy is one that I am incredibly grateful for. Everyone is not so fortunate. While its been a frustrating process because with every form of leadership and power there is always the opportunity for corruption and greed; and for the people who need help the most are overlooked - but the most beautiful thing of democracy is that you have the power to use your voice!

There's a choice you make to either vote or not vote. I have a legacy of people in my family that marched, fought and died for me to able to exercise my right and privilege to vote. I'm a firm believer in if you don't vote you don't have a right to complain about things being the way they are. The other thing about democracy is that it doesn't just start with or end with the voting process. Even if you're elected officials aren't who you want them to be, you have the opportunity to develop a relationship with them and let them know your issues and causes that you are concerned about. If they seem opposed in helping, take the time to educate them on why they should see your side. You have the power of influence and I will be blogging on that more later. I am grateful that even when I'm not confident in my ability to influence, I live in a country that allows me to use it anyway. 

E is for espresso!!! I don't even know where to begin... First, I'm so American, so I've only had the real cup of espresso once and I thought I was licking the bottom of a coffee pot. It was strong!! Needless to say, I only had two sips. So, I came across a gas station that carries these little cups that look like creamer, but it's espresso shots! I grab a handful from time to time and drop one of those bad boys in a cup of Maxwell house and I'm in heaven!! I just love coffee. It's weird because this love has only been a two and a half year thing. My husband got a keurig and I was amazed at how wonderful coffee smelled and that creamer came in all sorts of flavors that one thing led to another...

F is for friends. I have a small circle of friends and I'm very careful who I actually call a friend. I am friendly to everyone, but only a few get to actually say that they are my true blue friend. I am grateful for them because some recognize when I'm pulling into my #INFJ shell a little too tight, and they lovingly find what I need to come out of it while giving me my space   My true friends don't always know what I need or how they can help, but they ask. And they don't take it personally if I don't answer. My friends understand that I will pray for you one minute and be ready to rip one ones throat out for you the next. They know I can laugh one second and be 400 degrees angry the next, and it usually has nothing to do with them. And they give me space. I love my friends and I love my space. Those that know the balance of that and can still love me, are my true blue friends and I'm grateful for that. 

G is for Geneva. Yes, as in Switzerland. There's not a lot to the city - watches, the Alps, chocolate, and a lake. That's if you're a tourist. But for a traveler that enjoys the beauty of people, the richness of history and the enchantment of culture, Geneva is a heavenly place. I recently got to experience her beauty on my 32nd birthday. I was working, but my colleagues surprised me with a cake while we had our dinner on Lake Geneva. Hands down, the most beautiful birthday ever. 

H is for Habitat for Humanity. My husband and I recently were blessed to complete their homeowner program and on July 11, 2014, we officially signed the papers and moved into new, safe and affordable home. Through HFH, I made some amazing friends, gained a circle of influence from women who run things in my county and built my own house!! There is no other feeling than being able to put the frame up on your own home, touch the walls and know that hands and hearts that sacrificed their time to help put a roof over your head. Our last year in the program was an exceptionally difficult one and without Habitat, I know that we'd either be homeless right now or be in a huge amount of debt. God blessed us to be able to qualify, meet all the requirements, make our down payment and fall in love with our community one nail at a time! Now, Pinterest and Michael's has become my friend!

I is for ice. Yes, I'm serious. I have an affinity for fountain beverages. Not healthy, but we're not going to discuss that right now. I prefer my fountain beverages to be in a tumbler or styrofoam cup (not Eco-friendly 24/7 either, but...). This preference is all in my head but something about hearing my ice in my drink makes it taste better. I think it's because I was born in Arizona and ice just doesn't last in a cup there. I used to chew ice but my teeth have become too sensitive now. I don't know about other places, but hospital ice is the business too. I think it's because they don't use hard water. Sonic restaurant comes into a close second. The weirdest part is, the colder it is outside, the more I want a big cup of whatever with ice in it...and I hate being cold.  I think I'm related to Olaf from Frozen.

J is for jeans. Like... All kinds of jeans. I just love them. No matter what trend is in style, they just make a statement. 

When worn for your body type. 

Flare jeans were my go-to in middle and high school. I see that acid wash jeans are making a comeback from my childhood, including the rips and holes. Not sure how I feel about it because,,, you know, body type. And give a good dark wash jean jacket to accessorize with a scarf and dress... #OOTD winning!!

K is for Kleenex. I should invest in some stock in the company that makes it. I recently found it wise to watch The Best Man Holiday finally since I missed it when it was in theaters and was told I'd probably cry. No spoilers for those that haven't seen it, but not only did I cry, I snort-slobbed into a ball of emotions that were already heightened because I had chose to also watch The Fault in our Stars prior to. 

 So yeah... All the feels that ever felt like feeling worse than they felt about feeling is in this movie. 

L is for lipstick. I've always believed that no matter how unpretty you feel, sometimes a little color on the lips is all you need to brighten your day, or at least make you smile when you look in the mirror. I've recently become more interested in various shades because of some posts I saw by my beautiful friends on Facebook. The #NoBareLips30 was started by Keiko Kaveri and after seeing all her posts on her Instagram, I didn't want to be left out...then the universe saw my attempt to match shades to my skin tone there are now 2 ULTA stores in my county!!!

So this girl is stocking up so I'll be ready for next year's challenge. I don't do this for vanity by any means, but there are such stupid unspoken rules of what Black women can and cannot do/wear/say/feel/love, etc. that this challenge just speaks to the barrier of LOVE YOU, DO YOU. And we can see that mainstream Hollywood is catching on now that Shonda Rhimes is dominating primetime television and knocking down misconceptions of Black women AND the beautiful Lupita Nyong'o is representing in all shades of awesome! I digress...

M is for mammograms. We have just come out of Breast Cancer Awareness month. I received an email reminder to wish a friend happy birthday

Barbie, as she was affectionately called, died May 2009 from breast cancer. She had the aggressive HER-2 gene and her battle was incredibly rough. But she never complained, never gave up. She left behind two beautiful sons. As a woman living with HIV, I am always concerned about comorbidities, specifically ones that impact women. Breast cancer is something I've asked to be screened for even though I have no signs and I'm "too young" as I've been told by physicians. Trust me, I'm not looking for cancer. But I want to know what is going on at all times, so I have a fighting chance. To all the women (and men) that have been impacted by breast cancer, to those that have lost loved ones, to those that are fighting on even now...I know that your life is more than a pink ribbon. I know that your fight goes on even after the ribbons unravel and the yogurt cups expire. I pray for you all daily, I pray for us all that we will find a cure for cancer. 

N is for nappy hair. I decided to cut my hair off right after my 30th birthday, six months into my marriage, all for the sake of saving money and saving my child's self-esteem. Prior to my wedding, I got my first ever sew-in because I was going to be traveling a bit afterwards and knew I wouldn't have the funds to keep up with my relaxer touch-up appointments like I wanted. Three months after the wedding, I removed the sew-in, washed, and flat-ironed my hair. I was not impressed but I fought with it. My daughter came inside from playing with the neighbors one day and begged me to let her go swimming. I had just done her hair. For moms with little girls that rock ethnic hair, you KNOW the struggle of once it gets wet, it's over. I refused to let her go because the kids played rough and I knew there would be no saving her 'do. She sulked away, mumbling, "I wish I were White, then I could swim everyday." This statement didn't surprise me, but it broke my heart because at the exact same age, for a very similar reason, I thought the same thing. I pulled her into her room and sat her down. I told her she was beautiful. I told her Mommy's hair is just like yours. I told her God created her and He makes no mistakes. She gave me the blank stare. That's when I knew all this talk meant nothing. I had to up the ante. My husband unknowingly fueled the fire for me to feel bold enough to make the statement I made to my daughter when he complimented my hair pre-blow dry. He was like, "I like the curly thing you've got going". He sincerely thought I was wearing my hair like that on purpose. I reflected on that then told my daughter, "I'll prove it to you. I will cut off my hair and let it grow back from scratch. You'll see." And I did. And I was terrified. Then, I fell in love and I will never, ever, ever go back to chemicals and have yet to touch heat to my hair. When my baby saw me in my natural state, I saw the societal blinders of misconstrued acceptance fall off. She loves herself, her best friend rocks natural hair and my little girl feels pretty. The struggle to maintain a style though...that's another blog, another day.

O is for online classes. I'm the Queen of Procrastination-dale. I live there and sometimes I reign over battles between waiting because I'm scared, or waiting because the timing just ain't right. This ties into my #INFJ-ness again. So, online classes help me in that. It prevents me from the guilt I feel when I arrive to class late...because I will. It helps me make my own hours to do my work so I'm not constrained to drive to class, and forced to my work in one sitting. I'm grateful for not being forced into face-to-face interactions when I do that on a regular basis with my work and just need a break sometimes. Online classes are the best. I get to wear what I want, drink and eat during class, play Candy Crush during a presentation, hit pause during said presentation because I have to go check the mail or pick baby girl up from the bus stop. The #YASSSness of online classes just never ends. I'm just ready to be done though. Like for reals,  I have 30ish more credits I need before I graduate. Pray for me. 

So that's all that I have for now...tomorrow is the letter "P"...

Prayer, popcorn, pumpkin spice latte, pajamas, pretezels, pizza, pasta, porta potty's...so many "P"...

What are you thankful for?