HAWMC: Day 5 - Speak Up, Speak Out, Speak Life!

This is my 3rd year attempt to do this Health Activist Writer's Month Challenge and see it all the way through the month of November. Third time is a charm, right? I have a lists of prompts, I can do this. I will do this. So far, so good since I"ve made it to Day 4 - that's a first!

Each day, WEGO Health, an awesome empowerment network of over 100,000 health activists, posts a prompt and health activists around the world reflect, write and post their experiences with their health in response to these posts. If you've read this far, I thank you. You'll be reading a lot about HIV for the next 25 days. Let's do this!

Living with #HIV has truly changed who I am as a person as far as the way I think, the way I respond to the world and the way I allow the world to impact me. Social media has played a huge role in that. My old MySpace blog was where I first spread my wings in engaging with an audience on HIV. The love and support I received through that platform was overwhelming. It also became a form of my healing. Then MySpace was no longer and I had to adapt. In the day of fast-paced, instant gratification social media, I've adapted to expressing myself on various platforms. It's helped me not just amplify my voice but the hard work of countless others, generating a collective impact on the world. 

Twitter - in my opinion and my little use of it, I think it's the most limiting of expression that I prefer, so I maintain my interest by being a re-tweeter. 140 characters or less gives me anxiety, but when it's important or I want to be the first to say it, I make it happen.  

Instagram - probably my most favorite format as I have two accounts. I love speaking through photos or giving my interpretation to a photo quote. The ability to be able to cross post onto other social media platforms makes it extra fabulous. I do wish that Twitter wouldn't make Instagram shares an outside link though. I also find it's easier to push followers to your other social media platforms when you cross post from Instagram, especially with the hashtags. I have specific ones I use for my advocacy consulting page, feel free to use them when sharing my blog! #empoweredlegacies (name of organization) #embracehealing #giveinspiration #livevictorious (slogan) #SpeakUp #SpeakOut #SpeakLife (slogan/motto/mantra) #missempowered (alter advocacy ego)

Facebook - I love and prefer to share through my emPOWERed Legacies page. Being in the public eye and not wanting to delete anyone, it's been difficult for me to set parameters as I built my following so I have family mixed w/ advocacy peers and people I meet at events add me as well. I'm public about a lot, but there's a LOT I also keep to myself, so my original intent to have a Facebook account to keep up with family sometimes gets lost in communicating my work efforts as well. It's ok though. As long as the message gets out and people actually check on me outside of social media, I'm good.

Oh and I love me some Pinterest, but I don't use that to amplify my voice; however now that I'm blogging more, I really should. That's my safe haven on the Internet. I can fantasize, be in Spain, have a thinner waist, cook amazing meals and be socially amazing all while wearing my pajamas eating peanut butter out of a jar. 

I have a YouTube account but I don't have the things I want or the space to do videos the way that I want - yet.

I'm debating on a SnapChat, the filters do look temptingly fun . I'm debating on Facebook Live but my luck, something embarassing would happen that I wouldn't be able to edit. I'm debating on podcasts or BlogTalk Radio, but I think I will stick with what makes me comfortable for now, and if needed, as I always do I will adjust accordingly.

What's your favorite method of letting your voice be heard? Are there any that are useful that I failed to mention? Thanks for reading! Feel free to comment and share, share, share! If you know of other ways I can amplify my voice, let me know! Co-blogging is also fun, let's make it happen!

xoxo

www.kamaria.org | #embracehealing | #giveinspiration | #livevictorious | #empoweredlegacies

HAWMC: Day 4 - Dear Kamaria, You Have HIV and it's OK.

This is my 3rd year attempt to do this Health Activist Writer's Month Challenge and see it all the way through the month of November. Third time is a charm, right? I have a lists of prompts, I can do this. I will do this. So far, so good since I"ve made it to Day 4 - that's a first!

Each day, WEGO Health, an awesome empowerment network of over 100,000 health activists, posts a prompt and health activists around the world reflect, write and post their experiences with their health in response to these posts. If you've read this far, I thank you. You'll be reading a lot about HIV for the next 26 days. Let's start, shall we?

So, my diagnosis day...was interesting to say the least. Moreso, the circumstances leading up to it, not so much how I was diagnosed. If I could write a letter to myself for that day, knowing all that I know now...hmmm. I like this prompt because it doesn't ask if I'd change my diagnosis - and for that, I'm glad, because I wouldn't. Changing living with HIV would change who I am today and I love myself WAY more today than I did then. I fought hard as hell to be the Kamaria I am today. So, anyway, here's my letter:

Dear Kamaria,

You just became a mother. Life is looking pretty scary right now and adding this diagnosis to the mix is really going to change your life, but not in the way you may think. You are still beautiful. You are still worth the love you crave. You're daughter is going to be an amazing and better version of you. Believe it or not, living with HIV will actually show you who you're real friends are. There are going to be times where you will question if someone is reacting to you a certain way solely because you are living with HIV, and there will be times when physically you aren't going to know if your immune system is suffering or if you just have a cold. The amazing boyfriend you have now, he's a catalyst in your life to remind you that life is not over and that everything that makes you a woman will be appreciated, valued, cherished and honored. 

Here's some things you may be shocked to know...

• One day, you're going to realize you are the change you've been waiting for and you're going to speak out. Doing this, will cause some people to leave your life. Oh but beloved, the room they make for all the amazing people is going to BLOW. YOUR. MIND.
• There's always going to be a fight. If it's not against the stigma, it will be with the insurance companies. If not them, it will be agencies that provide services. If not about you, the fight will be for someone else to be delivered to a place of empowerment. Pick and choose your battles, know you're victorious. Beloved, you are MORE than equipped to handle this.
• Your values are going to change. Things you believed to be right and true before were based on what you were taught, experienced or exposed to. You are now walking into an opportunity of enlightenment to know the world for yourself and how you want to live in it according to YOUR beliefs. Think about it, an abortion made sense to you at one time, in spite of what you were raised to believe. This doesn't make you a bad person, this makes you human. It's what you do with those beliefs that shape who you are. Continue to love, continue to not cast judgment on others and continue to learn.
• You are going to see pockets of this world and be recognized for things you never even thought of. A passport is in your future beloved.
• Hug your family more - especially your grandmother. 
• People are going to judge you - but guess what? They will do that no matter if HIV is in the mix or not. Your skin is thicker than you realize. Bless them with your amazing smile and keep it moving.
• Right now, you think you're going to have to take a ton of medications. Honestly, because of scientific milestones, that's true at first. You are being diagnosed in the cusp of some amazing breakthroughs with treatments. So, stick to what they prescribe, go to your labs and fight for the doctor you're comfortable with. Ignoring your health, ignoring these letters of HIV will not make it go away. Trust me.
• That fight I mentioned you'll be in earlier, don't be freaked out by that. Others in the fight will hear your battle cry and they will support you. They won't always look like you, but you have a common bond of solidarity with them that can't be broken.
• Please remember to breathe. You're a single mom with a lot of goals. Trust the opportunities that come your way, but don't forsake the memories you'll have with your baby girl. You'll blink and she'll be an adult. 
• And girl...you're not fat. Keep it that way by speaking life over your reflection in the mirror. Be intentional about what you put in your body. It's ok to love fries, but don't let the fries love your thighs. Virtual 5Ks will become a trend and the medals will appeal to your distraction by shiny things. Do them.
• Any doubts you have about your family loving and supporting you, wash it down the drain. Learn the basics of this diagnosis, breathe and let them know you're going to be ok.
• I love you. God loves you. You are enough.

Now, don't cuss out Dr. Jardine. She's new to this too. Your mom is going to worry, but you will find strength together. You are not going to die from this anytime soon. So, cry when you need to, laugh more than once a day, sleep in when you need to and know that you're doing the best you can. 

Love, 

You.

Me as a new Mom, 2003 a few weeks before my diagnosis.

So, that was intense to write.Thanks for reading. Feel free to comment and share... I actually didn't go back to edit like I usually do. I want this to be the real deal of what I'd say to the 21 year old, single mom terrified of life, me. It's amazing to place myself back in that space and be aware of how amazing life is now. My mental health therapist will be pleased with this blog post. What would YOU say to yourself at the dawn of your diagnosis? OR if you don't have a diagnosis, what's a point in your life that you felt a shift for a huge change? What advice would you give yourself, knowing what you know now?

xoxo

www.kamaria.org | #embracehealing | #giveinspiration | #livevictorious | #empoweredlegacies

HAWMC: Day 3 - Quote, Unquote

This is my 3rd year attempt to do this Health Activist Writer's Month Challenge and see it all the way through the month of November. Third time is a charm, right? I have a lists of prompts, I can do this. I will do this.

Each day, WEGO Health, an awesome empowerment network of over 100,000 health activists, posts a prompt and health activists around the world reflect, write and post their experiences with their health in response to these posts. If you've read this far, I thank you. You'll be reading a lot about HIV for the next 28 days. Let's start, shall we?

My quote is actually from myself...Yeah, conceited much? I'll explain...

"Knowledge may be the power, but the application of knowledge is the cure." - Kamaria Laffrey

February 2007 was my first time ever publicly sharing my story. I was at Hurst Chapel AME Church and it was their National Black HIV/AIDS Awareness Day Town Hall. The local paper came to my house to interview me, people were telling me how brave I was and how inspiring I was. This continued happening, to my delight because I felt like I was spreading awareness to get people tested and not fall into the same blissful ignorance I lived in when it came to HIV prevention. All was well until after a couple of years, I ended my speech and during Q&A, a woman stood to tell me that I was an inspiration and needed to get my story out to more "young people" because "knowledge is power."

Well...

True, but why limit knowledge to just young people when HIV knows no age, gender, race, religion, career, etc., and if I'm such an inspiration, which in the correct context of personal application is a verb; what exactly have I inspired one to do? Get tested? Gather these young people that need more knowledge to fuel their power? I was conflicted by this popular quote by Francis Bacon and the context in which it was used towards me. 

I responded to her with this analogy (and I'm paraphrasing because I've said this in many settings in various ways, but this is the gist):

"Knowledge may be the power, but if I KNOW that I am supposed to wear a seat belt in spite of my safe driving because there are other drivers on the road, yet I don't 'wear the seat belt...where is my power? If I KNOW that condoms and having an undetectable viral load eliminate my risk of transmitting HIV to someone else but I don't do either...where is my power? We KNOW a lot of things in our lives, but if we don't APPLY what we know, we perish - physically, emotionally, socially, spiritually, mentally, etc. The application of knowledge is the power, simply knowing is never enough. Plus, we must share what we know with others and not hoard it to ourselves, (therefore, why I speak about my personal experience of contracting HIV to anyone who will listen)."

I got a soft applause and a few nods of agreement after I said that, but no one has engaged me in dialogue that I am wrong (not that I'm trying to be right, but I am trying to prove a point) and I feel strongly about this concept that I have engraved it in the very fiber of being an HIV advocate. I apply this to more than just HIV work. 

I can't just complain about change, I have to BE the change.

I can't just say I am gifted or blessed, I have to walk worthy in that by sharing my talents with others and using them to fulfill my purpose in this world. 

I can't just look at a cupcake and not lick the icing off the top, I have to devour it's buttercream exquisiteness...

Ok, that last one took a weird sugar deprived turn, but you get the point. I hope.

So,there you have it. What's your favorite quote? Or what's a cliche or saying that drives you crazy because people use it out of context? I have a whole list of HIV stigma based ones...but we can talk about that another day. 

Thanks for reading - please comment and share...I want to hear from you! 

xoxo

www.kamaria.org | #embracehealing | #giveinspiration | #livevictorious | #empoweredlegacies

HAWMC: Day 2 - Trust the Process

This is my 3rd year attempt to do this Health Activist Writer's Month Challenge and see it all the way through the month of November. Third time is a charm, right? I have a lists of prompts, I can do this. I will do this.

Each day, WEGO Health, an awesome empowerment network of over 100,000 health activists, posts a prompt and health activists around the world reflect, write and post their experiences with their health in response to these posts. If you've read this far, I thank you. You'll be reading a lot about HIV for the next 29 days. Let's start, shall we?

So, I am part perfectionist, part procrastinator and slight overachiever. Meaning, if the project I want to complete is not purely inspired and utilized in the moment, I will overthink it, take as long as possible because I don't "feel the time is right" and ultimately never complete it because I'll wait for the next "big moment of inspiration." That is what my writing process has looked like in the past. 

I attended HEALTHeVoices earlier this year where I learned how to create a editing calendar, with prompts on what to write. I was so proud of that calendar. It was inspired. See, that's the overachiever in me. I was determined to make a calendar; however the perfectionist in me overlooked the fact that the content needed to be topics broad enough that I would actually want to write about them when the time arose. That calendar is now sitting on my bookshelf collecting dust, not even being utilized to live out it's purpose of reminding me it really is Monday. The procrastinator, well she just sits back and hopes this attempt to be organic while using a pre-designed prompt will work at superseding all these nuances of my process.

So in learning to just trust the organic process of being my 100% authentic self, I am reading the prompts and simply typing without stopping. I am doing four posts at one time (mostly to catch up because I didn't  actually start on Day 1) and then I edit and add photos and spacing later. I only read over it once, in the voice I use when I'm casually talking with friends and then I hit submit. The only thing that takes up more time than the procrastinator in me prefers, is adding in links. When I figure out how to do that as I type without getting distracted and looking for unicorns, I'll have it made!

I'm determined to do all 30 posts this month, even though I know I will be out of town in a week or so for more than five days. I plan (key idea: NOT procrastinate) to write those posts out before I leave. Setting realistic goals in this blogging thing will help me bite the bullet and finish editing the one book I've completed the rough draft on, and begin writing the other three that are crying for my attention. 

I will succeed. My vision board says so and I believe it because I completed most of it before my perfectionist and procrastinator kicked in. The overachiever won that project hands down - best vision board I've ever done! 

Do you have  vision board? Do you have a crazy writing process? Are you a procrastinator, how do you make that work for you? Let me hear about it! I'm all about giving and sharing!

Thanks for reading so far, please comment and share! 

xoxo

www.kamaria.org | #embracehealing | #giveinspiration | #livevictorious | #empoweredlegacies

HAWMC: Day 1 - Getting to Know Me & HIV

This is my 3rd year attempt to do this Health Activist Writer's Month Challenge and see it all the way through the month of November. Third time is a charm, right? I have a lists of prompts, I can do this. I will do this.

Each day, WEGO Health, an awesome empowerment network of over 100,000 health activists, posts a prompt and health activists around the world reflect, write and post their experiences with their health in response to these posts. If you've read this far, I thank you. You'll be reading a lot about HIV for the next 30 days. Let's start, shall we?

I don't write as often as I'd like...I put a lot of pressure on myself to do so and then end up doing nothing. I make up for that in HIV advocacy and being present at events, doing the work. Always in the back of my mind thinking of other amazing bloggers like award winning blogger and social media guru, Mark S. King of "My Fabulous Disease, Joshua Middleton of "Pozitive Hope", or my sisters at Positive Women's Network and I wonder how they do it all. But then, I realize when I do take the time to write, to sit still and put my spider web of thoughts to print...I have a lot to say. I am driven to write when I see an injustice and want to make a call to action, i.e. my most recent blog post on HIV Is Not A Crime. Since then, I've been chosen by The Sero Project to take the lead on Florida efforts to reform our laws! So, time for writing comes scarcely but I am going to try! I am also driven to write (but not always publish) when I have a moment of catharsis. I will hopefully get to speak on the beauty of those moments later when I had to remember to breathe in the midst of chaos!

I love the guided soothing method and ease of this. Try it, it makes a difference. Download the app!

I'd like other Health Activists to know and be encouraged by their own efforts of being a voice - whether they are the only voice in their field of health expertise or if they are in a large sea of powerful voices...YOU ARE ENOUGH. I want other Health Activists to know that it's ok to not be ok. I want other Health Activists to know that it is also ok to build your network of support outside of your field of expertise. I have learned a lot about health advocacy and grace from my friends living with psoriasis, cancer (of various kinds), IBD, Crohn's, and Scleroderma to name a few. Powerful, selfless, fierce individuals that have helped me recognize the beauty in knowing I am doing all I can to be healthy, I am the expert because I live HIV daily and...I AM ENOUGH.

Specifically about my condition as with many I have mentioned...there is a silent suffering that happens. Especially if you are in the public eye. I don't "look" sick. I'm overweight and people don't typically associate HIV/AIDS with curves. It's ridiculous because it ties into the self-stigma that eats away at us mentally. A small part of me (it gets smaller everyday unlike my waistline) is terrified to lose weight because I don't want to fit a stereotype of being ill. I'm literally shaking my head at myself for even typing that. But that is my reality. I'm working on it. There are days in the midst of this that I feel like utter crap. I have learned to not even say when I'm not feeling well because I either get a "You look fine", a "Me Too" story that is no where near connected to what I'm feeling, or I get grilled about my CD4 count, why my feet are swollen or "You're just stressed". Not complaining, because I'm used to it now. I have just learned who I can and cannot talk to openly about my wellness.

So, there you have it. A very jagged first entry into this writing challenge, but I'm learning to stop being so polished all the time. I'm learning to be more authentic with myself and it will help my intentions become more authentic and effective.

Remembering I AM ENOUGH, I thank you for reading this and hope if you related to any part of it, you know you're not alone but it does get better. Feel free to comment, email me, share, find me on Facebook or write your own post! Thanks again - have a powerful and productively blessed day!

xoxo

www.kamaria.org | #embracehealing | #giveinspiration | #livevictorious | #empoweredlegacies