Health Activist Writer's Challenge Month: Creature of Habit

A "Normal" Day

9:15 am - Wake up

9:17 am - Debate going back to sleep

9:20 am - Check calendar to see if it's possible to go back to sleep

9:30 am - Grumpily getting coffee because there's stuff on the calendar that means you couldn't go back to sleep

9:50 - 10:15 am - Shower/Dress/Candy Crush (procrastination is disguised as "waking up")

10:20 - 12:30ish pm - Respond to emails, work on website, check social media, update calendar, prepare for webinar/conference call

1:30 pm - realize you haven't eaten at all, #hangry symptoms kick in

1:35 - 3:45 pm - randomness of events sets in as you find food, chat with spouse, answer unexpected phone calls, eat, figure out what to cook for dinner, sign up for four more webinars, check the mail, still no checks, find a source of caffeine and tell yourself you will clean tomorrow

4:00 - 7:00 pm - start cooking dinner, chat with daughter when she comes home from school, convince her to do her chores before dinner, discuss what TV show you two will watch together (only if it's #PLL or #Empire season)

7:00 - 10:00 pm - wind down and spend time with daughter while checking email, working on website, updating calendar and signing up for two more webinars as well as preparing flyers for two events (kid falls asleep). Take meds

10:00 - 12:00 am - tell yourself to try to sleep before you have to get up and take sister to work, usually don't get sleepy until 1:00 am but have to get back up at 2:15 at the latest, return home around 3:30 am, pass out and do it all over again.

Sometimes.

Working from home has caused me to develop some bad habits. I eat less, sleep less and sit more. In that, I have also developed great habits. My family has dinner together every night, I spend time w/ my daughter and I can create my own schedule.

A perfect day would just have me actually completing one project that I start out on or actually being able to do all my business work AND clean the house in the same day. 

Healthwise, I need to find a way to fit in going to the gym that I am paying for monthly as well as working in some healthier breakfasts besides coffee and sausage burritos. I don't think my office chair expands so we will soon have problems sitting at the desk if I don't get it under control. Also, on some days, I squeeze in a nap, like what I think I'm going to do after I publish this blog today. The overcast weather we've been having is a perfect recipe for a nice nap. 

Health Activist Writer's Month Challenge: Good Samaritan

Galatians 5:22-23New King James Version (NKJV)

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering (patience), kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.

Not just because it is in the Bible, not just because it makes people feel good and not because I like to brag about it - but being kind is something I crave, seek and try to manifest in others daily. It is an outward expression of love and practice towards agape love, which is a love that is beyond unconditional. It doesn't warrant a response or action, it just is.

Now, whether I choose to do this through a smile (which I'm told I do naturally, so there's really no effort behind that), a encouraging word, an inspiring social media post, or paying someone's toll on a road trip; kindness has no boundaries, no measured cap off or quantity limit. 

Kindness is also not a perception of perfection either. I've been told I'm a goody-two shoes or even a hypocrite because I never talk about my bad days or express publicly when I'm angry. I don't see a need in that because the world has enough of it. I find the times that I do conform and share with the world a dark part of my heart - especially something petty and trivial, the already miserable and downtrodden feed off of that. I don't want to perpetuate the sadness and heavy-hearted justifications of inflicting pain that already goes on in people's lives. I want to cultivate the culture of living life to its fullest, abundantly and victoriously. 

There was a time kindness was extended to me on a level of agape love that I never thought I'd experience and it's one of the few times I remember in my life that I purposefully sought this kindness. It was right after I was diagnosed with HIV. I had been trying to re-establish a relationship I had broken with a high school sweetheart and we were dealing with trust issues. In the midst of this, I had to sit him down and tell him that all our efforts were about to be for naught because I was diagnosed with HIV and I knew he wasn't going to want to be with me. We hadn't been intimate so there was no actual risk factor and I figured he'd flee realizing this. In that moment, he did get up to leave, walked out my house, go in his car and drove off. I pressed my back to the door in understanding, relief and began accepting that this was the life I was going to have. A life of loneliness, rejection, and shame.

I don't know what it was that sparked the next thing to happen, but as I walked away from the door, there was a knock. I was so caught in my blanket of despair, I never heard anyone drive up or approach the door. I looked out the window to see my high school sweetheart's face. I gingerly opened the door and he said these words: "The things that you've done prior, I have forgiven whether they were intentional or not. This, you didn't do or ask for on purpose and I am here for you and we can get through this." Through our relationship that lasted for the next three or so years, he always told me that there was nothing I could say or do that would make me stop loving him and I hold that to be true twelve years later as we are still the closest of friends. That was a level of kindness I needed, appreciated and treasure. It empowered me to know that I can be loved, I am not a social outcast and I am worthy. His selfless act of kindness and desire to learn more about HIV showed me that I can extend the same to others, even if something in the universe tells me they don't deserve it. 

Kindness, bearing good fruits, is a chain reaction. When you plant the seeds, someone else will come along and water them, another will take the time to fertilize them, someone else will shine their light on them and eventually, you have evidence of all the goodness you took from yourself and put into the lives of others. 

Embrace healing, Give inspiration, Live victoriously.

Health Activist Writer's Month Challenge: Key to Success

There are often times living with HIV that I find myself encouraging others who are newly diagnosed, or think they've been put at risk of contracting the virus. In those moments, I remember the times I needed encouragement and where I sought the strength to push through and find my happy when times told me I shouldn't.

I was raised to seek contentment in life, rather than happiness because happiness is an emotion that is fleeting where contentment is a disciplined state of mind. Applying this to my life, I've learned contentment leads to joy and peace. Those are two things that no one can give you or take away...but I can give you tips on how to get to a place of contentment when dealing with heavy life changes. 

Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you feel. There is no handbook for the appropriate response to a diagnosis, loss of friend or even death. Everyone has different experiences, perspectives and emotions that wire them to respond differently to things. You don't need permission to feel. When I was younger, I was told my paternal grandfather had passed away. I giggled and my mother gave me the most horrified look and I subconsciously began to pay attention to how people responded to death. Everyone either cried or was upset in some way. For years, I would catch myself if I heard of death or loss before I let out a "inappropriate" response. It wasn't until I was an adult and shared this with my mom that she apologized and then asked me if I remembered why I giggled. I did. I was remembering my trips to visit him and how he'd play his organ for me or take me get a Whopper from Burger King right before dinner if Grandma was making something I didn't like. He spoiled me and it was our little secret. My mom then shared that the reason my reponse was so different than everyone else's is because I was supposedly the only person grandpa was kind to. I was expressing an emotion others wanted to but because it wasn't coming from the same place, they chose to respond differently. Ever since this conversation, I have chosen to be me and not apologize for what my heart needed to pour out. What you feel is what you feel. Never apologize for that. 

I apply this to living with a stigmatized health condition. HIV brings judgment and fear from a lot of people. In that, I have to find my happy with it. People are already uncomfortable with it, so why not? I've found people have a hard time being uncomfortable with something I'm clearly ok with. The key to happiness, is to live YOUR life for YOU, and make no apologies for it. I find reasons to laugh and smile every single day. I was told that I was born into the world smiling, not crying. I fully embrace that. While I know this is not the case for everyone, I encourage you to embrace who you are, what makes your heart tick, what brings you joy. Surround yourself with it so that even if you cannot tap into it daily, you can access it when you need it. That's why, if you ever visit my home, you will find random pieces of bubble wrap stuffed and stashed in small places.

My final sentiments on finding the key to happiness is this:

Embrace healing, Give inspiration, and Live Victoriously - in spite of it all.
(For more on how I do that, please visit my website!)

Health Activist Writer's Month Challenge: Wordless Wednesday