Things Get Messy

It's been a while since I've posted a real blog and even at this moment that I am typing, I'm really not even sure how I want to compose my thoughts. Should I be funny? Should I put some quotes in? Be spiritual? Then I says, the hell with it... I'm just going to be me.

Here I am... because I don't know how to be anything else!

As of now, things with my health are still at a standstill thanks to the good old folks at the Medicaid office. I'm supposed to have a phone interview and I have to fax in some documents. All the while I'm just praying that things are well. I feel fine, but due to some extreme pessimists in my life, I'm told that means nothing.

Moving on...

I've been working on so many projects that I think I might start rocking a mohawk to hide the fact that I've been pulling my hair out. There is so much that I want to be involved in regarding HIV/AIDS... support groups, public service accouncements, fundraisers, etc and etc. It's been stressful trying to determine the best of the best and who to trust and who is in it for the right reasons.

I look back on how far I've come and how no one and I mean NO ONE could have told me five years ago that I'd be doing half of the things that I do now, let alone be a single mother speaking out about HIV... but here I am and I wouldn't change a thing. I've made some mistakes and I've made a mess out of resolving some of those mistakes but I know that in the end of it all, God has a way of designing our plights to take flight into a message beyond what we could ever contrive on our own.

I'm excited that this year the United States Conference on AIDS will be in my own back yard, Orlando, FL this year. Sadly, I wont be able to attend in the full capacity that I had intended, but it is all for the best. I will be a groupie hanging out outside of forums waiting for friends and gathering information as much as I can.

In the meantime, I will be happily anticipating RCP's (www.rcpmovement.org) 2nd annual Show You Know Benefit Concert in October. I'm happy to say that this will be their second year putting on the concert and I'm really excited to see how many people we can get tested!! I can't remember what last years numbers were but I know that they were something to be proud of.

Back to school is upon us and there are so many college campuses that need awareness measures taken as far as having "safer" sex, knowing what they are protecting themselves from and how to get out of sticky situations that could play a detrimental role on their lives. I wish I could send a massage email or Facebook message to every freshman coming onto a college campus about how they are in a whole new world and the rules from back home should still apply. Instead, I utilize measures such as this and hope and pray that the message of the messy matter gets through.

Use a CONDOM! Don't be scared to make sure you have them and if all else fails, EMAIL me and I will make sure that you get some before you git some! lol

Ok, well, my time needs to come to a close because motherhood duty calls as I head out to back to school shopping and whatnot. Thanks for being patient with my amateur blogging and random flow of thoughts. It will improve once I get back into this.

The Writing Is On The Wall

SO lemme tell you how good God is. How he truly speaks to me. How He puts the WRITING ON THE WALL!!

After I posted the blog regarding concerns for my t-cells and having to be put on medication, I really didn't think anything else of it. A friend on Facebook left me a comment on my wall encouraging me and I appreciated that. After that, it was really out of my mind. It was therapeutic to post, to read how I felt last year and relate it to how I was dealing now.

The next day at church my pastor continued his series entitled "How to Overcome Obstacles: David an Excellent Example" He went into the story of Saul and David and related to how we will come across a situation,and make statements claiming faith, healing, prosperity, etc. as though we are in complete control not realizing that if we were in complete control we would never get in situations liiiiiiiike... your car getting stalled on the train track. This is NOT the time to say, "I don't claim it"or "I will fast and pray". This is the time to take action, the writing on the wall can't be any clearer than your car stalling on the train track. It is time to MOVE!! You can NOT claim it all you want and you will claim a nice cozy spot with a granite stone headboard - six feet under.

This sermon got me to thinking how so many times, I don't use wisdom and faith together, how I blur the two to what sounds good to me at the time. I can sit back and not claim my illness, I can claim healing, I can claim all things regarding my health because of my faith in what I know God can do for me. BUT I cannot do these things and completely ignore all the writing, typing and painting on the wall that is telling me that I need to go to a doctor. God can work miracles through anything, it's not up to me to decide in what avenue He can demonstrate them. How dare I think I even have that power? Since when did I create the heavens and hte earth? And Lord knows if I had anything to do with that foolishness in the Garden of Eden things would NOT have gone down the way they did (I'm just saying, child birth is no joke).

So, now I have completed my application to receive Medicaid so that I can get back into care. There are some glitches in the matrix of my immune system that are not sitting too well with me. I really, really need eto get it together. I'm reaching too close to the age of 30 and I've read that the closer you get to that age, the harder it is to stay in shape. So I know that I really need to get in touch with some people that can help me (There is a high school friend who is a body building competitor). I don't plan to have any more kids. I really don't. Also, I'm always in pain so I know that my body is lacking something it needs. I started taking vitamin B12 so that I can have the natural energy I'm supposed to have and that has helped a LOT. I stopped drinking a lot of caffeine to the point now where I don't even want a Mt. Dew (yes I said it). I was getting too many migraines. They've stopped praise God. So, I'm really focused on so much for myself that will encompass my overall health and I can no longer ignore the writing on the wall. It has been highlighted and I need to take action before the ink fades.